so my life has much improved, i have a steady career, financial stability, my health is better, i have a few really good friends and i am single...so what is wrong with me? why am i so damned unhappy? i think my life has bordered on the edge of catastrophe for so long now that things are calm and orderly for the most part i am expecting something to go wrong...i was talking to my best friend today and i told him that i am missing that hue of darkness in my life, hell i have not written a poem in almost six months...i do not know if that matters, but he thinks i am the most expressive through my poetry and i have all this bullshit locked up inside...so i am going to try to seek out my shadow, my muse, my whatever...i still feel like i am setting myself up for failure by hoping for things, but too late...g'nite